Não há inteligência artificial capaz de ofuscar nossa vocação para a burrice. Não falo aqui da burrice singela, pura e simplória, mas dessa burrice maior, convicta e arrogante que hoje parece estar por toda parte. Uma burrice plena, que tem orgulho de si mesma, que ostenta sua ignorância como uma bandeira, que zurra como se cantasse o hino nacional.
Essa burrice fundamental ameaça nos condenar. Que espécie de inseto criaria seu próprio inseticida? Que ser vivo engendraria uma entidade potencialmente mais inteligente do que ele? Nosso maior feito intelectual talvez comprove a extensão de nossa estupidez.
Até outro dia, havia grande vantagem para o burro que se sabia burro. Hoje não. Hoje o burro sem amarras ganhou tração e estrelato. Ele é genuíno! É ele mesmo! Não finge! Que burro lindo! Que beleza esse asno! Olha a bobagem sensacional que ele falou!
A semana foi pródiga em asneiras siderúrgicas, transcendentais. Um ex-presidente deu uma entrevista para dizer que não tentou dar golpe — só pensou, viu que não dava e desistiu. Um banco curioso foi comprado por outro depois de fazer conexões amigas e operações heterodoxas com milhares de burros. Nos EUA, o sujeito mais poderoso do mundo criou um tarifaço sem precedentes, derrubou os mercados e taxou até uma ilha que só tem pinguins.
No esporte, o jumento é um ícone antigo. Não há líder — seja técnico ou dirigente — que não tenha recebido seu abraço. A frase de Otto Glória, célebre técnico português aqui radicado, foi definitiva:
— Hoje sou bestial. Amanhã sou uma besta.
O técnico da seleção brasileira já nasce burro. Quem aceita o posto só espera esse batismo. Mas ninguém viveu algo parecido com a armadilha que prepararam para o hoje consagrado e folclórico Evaristo de Macedo. Em 1985, Evaristo voltava de uma excursão ruim com a seleção quando foi recebido por uma claque de torcedores. Cercado, vaiado e xingado, parou para falar com os microfones. Alguns gaiatos levantaram uma faixa com o desenho de uma mula e os dizeres “Evaristo burro” atrás dele. Nesse cenário, Evaristo foi perguntado se estava preocupado em ser demitido. Respondeu na lata.
— Estou preocupado em como vou gastar meus cinco milhões de dólares.
Caiu atirando. Foi demitido no dia seguinte. Naquele tempo pegava mal ser burro — ou ser chamado de burro. Hoje em dia? O cara te chama de burro na rua e você cumprimenta, quase agradece.
— Ô seu burro!
— Obrigado!
A burrice ganhou a avenida. Jumentos orgulhosos desfilam, batem com as quatro patas no peito e brandem asneiras como conselhos profundos. O burro confiante é um patrimônio nacional. Exportamos o Febeapá (Festival de Besteiras que Assola o País). Olha a cloroquina! Veja, vacinas não funcionam! Olha, a Venezuela democrata! Vou te emprestar teu dinheiro com juros! Essa raposa agora é vegetariana, confia! O grande público aplaude, se identifica, se sente representado.
O esperto hoje, inclusive, finge que é burro. Influencia. Dá coaching. Diz aquilo que o burro quer ouvir, se associa ao burro. Diz que é amigo do burro, adula o burro. É eleito pelo burro se fingindo de burro. E como no poema de Pessoa… finge tão completamente que acaba emburrecendo e se tornando um burro cabal, irrecorrível, um burro maior.
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