Welcome to Row Z, The Athletic’s weekly column that shines a light on the bonkers side of the game.
From clubs to managers, players to organisations, every Friday we’ll bring you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the game we all love…
The wait is over… or is it?
The Premier League has confirmed that semi-automated offside is being introduced next weekend.
Great, just in time for the big end to the season. What could possibly go wrong?
Here’s the league’s chief football officer Tony Scholes in February: “We are not going to introduce it if we’ve got any doubts at all with regards to its operation. The system we’ve adopted, we believe it to be the best system, the most accurate and future-proof system.”
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He sounds pretty confident. Row Z can’t foresee any issues whatsoever.
Hang on a minute, remind us what the Premier League said in 2019 (via a promotional video with Alan Shearer) when it was about to introduce VAR: “The Premier League is setting a high bar for VAR involvement. The philosophy is minimum interference, maximum benefit, keeping the pace and passion we all know and love.”
Hmmm.
Anyway let’s be fair — this is a new system and we have to place our faith in these people and the technology they’re implementing.
In other recent semi-automated offside news: There was an eight-minute delay during Bournemouth v Wolves in the FA Cup last month when the technology was being trialled.
Great.
The Vitality stadium holds its breath and waits, and waits, and waits (Justin Tallis/AFP via Getty Images)
Champion influencers
Sure, Saudi Arabian sportswashing has infiltrated the world of Newcastle streamers and alleged influencers, but who’s to say there isn’t some kid in Riyadh vlogging in a similar fashion?
“Hello, sorry, (checks notes) howay everyone. What better way to celebrate Newcastle, the pride of Saudi Arabia, winning the Carabao Cup than by flying to the north east of England where you can enjoy overcast weather and below average temperatures for this time of year?
“If you’re (checks notes) reet canny you’ll remove all the garments from the top half of your body, sip from a refreshing bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale and pay a visit to popular social club Popworld. That’s (checks notes) champion.”
Newcastle, where every day is a winners’ parade (Stu Forster/Getty Images)
PSR loophole corner
Chelsea, you’ve got to hand it to them. A couple of years after selling two hotels for a combined £76.5million ($100.2m at current rates) to help balance their bulging books, the club have now revealed they made a whopping £128.4m pre-tax profit in 2023-24 despite being busy assembling the world’s most expensive (and underachieving) football squad.
How? They sold off the women’s team! And who did they sell it to? Themselves, of course!
Many Premier League clubs can have no complaints over Chelsea’s methods given that, just last year, nine of them voted to continue to allow the use of one-off profits from the sales of hotels, training grounds or other tangible assets in their financial fair play submissions.
Chelsea’s (hugely successful) women’s team (Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)
What else are clubs looking to sell so they can stay within the top flight’s profitability and sustainability rules (PSR)? Row Z can only speculate:
Manchester United: Sir Alex Ferguson. Not content with scrapping his role as a club ambassador, United could look into selling Fergie as a commodity. In return the buying club would receive Ferguson’s attendance at every home and away match as well as phonecalls offering encouragement to the team’s manager and players.
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“These are desperate times, we’re running out cash,” Sir Jim Ratcliffe will justify as he simultaneously signs off on a project to build the most expensive circus tent ever constructed.
Also potentially up for sale at United — one stadium roof. It’s got a few holes in it but nothing a bit of Polyfilla won’t fix. Oh and their dignity, week after week.
Tottenham: Any branding which just has the word ‘Tottenham’ on it. That’s Tottenham Hotspur or Spurs to me and you.
Chelsea (again): Every single player they bought last summer.
Arsenal: Advance copies of the club’s newly-commissioned DVD ‘Conspiracy’, a docu-drama which will intersperse clips showing where the PGMOL have deliberately wronged Arsenal this season to derail their title bid, with dramatic behind-the-scenes recreations of how the plots were conceived, starring Arsenal fans Benedict Cumberbatch (playing Howard Webb) and Anne Hathaway (Howard Webb’s wife).
Liverpool: Just a few million Trent Alexander-Arnold No 66 shirts.
Cunha targets titles
Wolves forward Matheus Cunha during an interview with The Observer on March 30: “Now, we’re close to achieving our goal (of staying up). But I’ve made it clear that I need to take the next step. I want to fight for titles, for big things.”
Also Cunha, on March 1: Gets needlessly sent off in the 120th minute of an FA Cup fifth-round tie at Bournemouth, starting a fight with Milos Kerkez as the game winds down to penalties. Cunha then can’t take a penalty so Matt Doherty has to step up instead and misses, meaning Wolves miss out on a last-eight spot and the chance of a title.
And also here’s Wolves, the club that pay Cunha’s wages, on February 1: “Wolves top scorer Matheus Cunha has committed his long-term future to the club, signing a new four-and-a-half-year deal at Molineux.”
Cunha sees red (Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)
Turkish delight
There was another normal night for Jose Mourinho in Turkey this week.
After Fenerbahce’s loss to Galatasaray in the Turkish Cup, Jose Mourinho appeared to pinch the nose of Okan Buruk, the Galatasaray manager. pic.twitter.com/pKrBx0GBqi
— The Athletic | Football (@TheAthleticFC) April 2, 2025
Anyway, Galatasaray had the last laugh with this, which may not only win the internet this week, but possibly for the whole of 2025.
Galatasaray delirtir. pic.twitter.com/8EzHuxgq4e
— Galatasaray SK (@GalatasaraySK) April 2, 2025
(Top photo: Marc Atkins/Getty Images)
This news was originally published on this post .
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