Ranking the 16 possible Stanley Cup Final matchups, based purely on narratives

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Once the first round of playoffs was over, we could say goodbye to eight teams. And more importantly for our purposes today, we could also say goodbye to 48 potential Stanley Cup Final matchups.

Sorry, anyone hoping for Blues vs. Canadiens in a rematch of the 1969 final, or Kings vs. Senators in a re-litigation of the Dion Phaneuf trade. Losing half of our playoff teams means we lose three-quarters of our possible final combinations — thanks, math — bringing us down to a manageable 16. Gosh, that almost feels like the right number for a ranking.

To be clear, we’re going to be going from the worst possible matchup to the best, based purely on narratives and vibes. After all, why was Stars/Avalanche the best and most memorable series of the first round? Because the two teams were super-talented and played close games at a high level? Fool! It was because of Mikko Rantanen and the power of the revenge game.

That’s one area we’ll look at in this list, although there are other areas to explore. We’ll also toss you a few YouTube clips, just to keep that attention span humming. We’ll start at 16 and work our way down to the best possible matchup. Here we go …

16. Panthers vs. Jets

Or, as the narrative will call it: The one that makes American fans think NFL preseason started early.

Regular season: They played a rare interconference home-and-home in November, with each team getting a regulation win on home ice.

Revenge potential: It’s pretty much Nate Schmidt, although Dominic Toninato did play a season in Florida years ago, and we all definitely know who that is.

Random guy who played for both teams: Joey Crabb had a cool name.

Old clips to get you fired up: Fun fact, Mark Scheifele has fought Matthew Tkachuk and Aaron Ekblad, making the Panthers the only team he’s dropped the gloves against twice.

Hey, that’s a pretty good matchup for the 16 spot, which just tells us that pretty much all of these will have strong potential. Onward …

15. Oilers vs. Capitals

Or, as the narrative will call it: Connor McDavid vs. Alex Ovechkin in a battle of legendary top picks who represent different eras.

Regular season: The Caps won both, including a 7-3 blowout on home ice in which they lit up Calvin Pickard.

Revenge potential: Basically none, with apologies to Connor Brown.

Random guy who played for both teams: Remember that year Esa Tikkanen just randomly showed up in Washington for a few months and almost helped the Capitals win the Stanley Cup?

Old clip to get you fired up: Is this the best backcheck of Ovechkin’s career? It might be. Is it the only backcheck of Ovechkin’s career? Look, don’t be a hater.

14. Panthers vs. Stars

Or, as the narrative will call it: The Finland rematch, aka the Sauna Series.

Regular season: They played those two Global Series games in Tampere at the start of November, with the Panthers winning both.

Revenge potential: Nothing great, although Stars players Evgenii Dadonov, Alexander Petrovic and Mason Marchment all played for the Panthers at one point.

Random guy who played for both teams: There are at least four Hall of Famers on the list: Jaromir Jagr, Eddie Belfour, Joe Nieuwendyk and Dino Ciccarelli if we count the North Stars. But of course, the correct answer here is “Tim Thomas in that one weird year where he didn’t even bother to get new pads.”

Old clip to get you not remotely fired up: Can I interest you in the two coaches having coffee with each other? No? Well, the NHL apparently thought it would be riveting, so that’s what you get. It’s more fun if you pretend that “your mom used to make cinnamon buns” is an insult.

No? Not exciting enough? OK, how about this bonus clip of Jamie Benn getting clotheslined by a linesman?

13. Stars vs. Maple Leafs

Or, as the narrative will call it: The team that got Mikko Rantanen vs. the team that tried to trade Mitch Marner for him.

(Unless Nick Robertson can make it back into a top-nine role, at which point this becomes a brother vs. brother battle and might move up a few spots.)

Regular season: They split the series, with each team winning in the other’s rink.

Revenge potential: No superstars, but it has a quantity-over-quality thing going, as the Stars have Cody Ceci, Mason Marchment, Colin Blackwell and Ilya Lyubushkin while the Leafs have Chris Tanev and Max Domi. And don’t forget to act surprised when Jani Hakanpää makes his dramatic comeback late in the series on two robo-skeleton knees.

Random guy who played for both teams: I will eventually forgive Benoit Hogue for having zero points in a seven-game series loss to the Blackhawks in 1995, but today is not that day.

Old clip to get you fired up: Wendel Clark scores a goal in his return to the Leafs lineup, aka the happiest I have ever been.

(Fun fact: I just watched the clip linked above about a dozen times and was smiling ear-to-ear and then realized that, as of very recently, that moment is closer in time to the Leafs’ last Stanley Cup win than it is to the present day, at which point I closed my laptop and just stared at the wall for three hours.)

12. Maple Leafs vs. Golden Knights

Or, as the narrative will call it: An Original Six team trying to win its first Cup in 58 years against an expansion team trying to win its second in 24 months.

Regular season: They split two games, with each team picking up a regulation win on home ice.

Revenge potential: Max Pacioretty would be the story here. He was an early building block for the Golden Knights, coming over in the Nick Suzuki trade in 2019. But he was dealt to Carolina the year before they won the Cup, and seemed just about done before finding new life as one of several Maple Leaf OGWAC stories.

He’d be about it, unless Ryan Reaves, Ilya Samsonov or Ben Hutton worked their way into the series.

Random guy who played for both teams: He’s hardly random, but in this house, we never pass up the chance to show some respect to Phil Kessel.

Old clip to get you fired up: Here’s Marc-Andre Fleury robbing Jake Gardiner in 2019, sealing a Leafs loss that was their sixth straight and cost Mike Babcock his job.

11. Stars vs. Capitals

Or, as the narrative will call it: The battle of the NFC East? I mean, it’s not like New York or Philadelphia will be making a final anytime soon.

Regular season: Each team won its home game.

Revenge potential: Somehow none at all, with zero crossover between the two rosters that I can find. Seriously, I think Caps assistant coach Kirk Muller playing his last few years in Dallas is the best we can do.

Random guy who played for both teams: Where are you at on the whole Sergei Gonchar Hall of Fame debate? I’m not completely sold.

Old clip to get you fired up: Here’s a sneaky dirty play from Jamie Benn on John Carlson from a few years ago that almost leads to a rare captain vs. captain fight.

10. Hurricanes vs. Jets

Or, as the narrative will call it: The return of the Southleast Division.

(For you kids out there, the NHL used to have a Southeast Division that never had more than one good team at a time. Yes, the Jets were in it for a few years. No, the NHL apparently doesn’t own a map. The point is we all called it the Southleast, loved it very much and mourn it to this day.)

Regular season: They split, with each team winning in regulation at home.

Revenge potential: Not great, but you have Jack Roslovic on Carolina and Haydn Fleury on Winnipeg.

Random guy who played for both teams: Lee Stempniak played for the Jets and the Hurricanes, and also every other NHL team.

Old clip to get you fired up: Jets captain (and former Hurricane) Andrew Ladd scores the OT winner in this 2012 Southleast classic.

9. Hurricanes vs. Golden Knights

Or, as the narrative will call it: The two fun-loving teams from nontraditional markets; aka the matchup that will make your one crusty Canadian uncle who still misses Don Cherry way madder than it probably should.

Regular season: The Hurricanes swept the two-game series in regulation.

Revenge potential: Is it weird that I completely forgot that Noah Hanifin played three years for the Hurricanes at the start of his career? Either way, that six-year gap in between probably means this would be William Carrier.

Random guy who played for both teams: Which of Valentin Zykov’s seven career goals was your favorite? He scored all of them for these two teams, and also, that may be a summer column for me.

Old clip to get you fired up: Wait, have these two teams ever produced a memorable moment together? I was close to having to resort to footage of the Pacioretty trade breaking. Instead, let’s settle for Andrei Svechnikov and Sebastian Aho combining for an overtime goal.

8. Capitals vs. Jets

Or, as the narrative will call it: The two best teams in the league, based on the regular-season standings, meet in the Final and prove all their doubters wrong.

Regular season: The Jets won both games in overtime. (For what it’s worth, if the Caps had won both in regulation, they’d have passed Winnipeg for the Presidents’ Trophy.)

Revenge potential: There’s only one option, but it’s a good one. Pierre-Luc Dubois wanted out of Winnipeg, eventually landed in Washington and would now get to try to cost one of his former homes the Stanley Cup that’s eluded them for almost 50 years.

Random guy who played for both teams: I can’t articulate why this is, but I feel like Matt Hendricks is the most “played for Washington and Winnipeg” guy that’s even theoretically possible.

Old clip to get you fired up: This is a great OT goal from Tim Stapleton back in the day, but the real highlight is Dustin Byfuglien getting his face mushed into the glass by his teammates about 15 seconds in and just immediately being done with it.

7. Oilers vs. Hurricanes

Or, as the narrative will call it: A rematch of the 2006 final, only this time the Hurricanes can’t cheat by running the Oilers’ star goaltender, seeing as they don’t have one.

Regular season: They split, with the Hurricanes winning in Edmonton in overtime but then losing in regulation at home.

Revenge potential: Pretty decent, featuring Carolina’s Taylor Hall and Edmonton’s Jeff Skinner, a pair of wingers navigating the back half of their careers while trying to find playoff success that’s eluded them. Honestly, watching Hall skate the Cup around the rink in Edmonton might finish off a few Oilers fans for good.

Random guy who played for both teams: I have zero recollection of Geoff “Father of Jake” Sanderson ever playing for the Oilers, but Hockey Reference would not lie to me.

Old clip to get you fired up: I already made Oilers fans sad by referencing the tragedy of 2006, so let’s at least pull one of their highlights from that series, as Chris Pronger scores the only penalty shot goal in final history. (The goalies stopped each of the other 12.)

6. Golden Knights vs. Capitals

Or, as the narrative will call it: The rematch of the 2018 final.

Regular season: The Caps won both matchups in regulation, although the season series was over by mid-November.

Revenge potential: Huge, all thanks to Logan Thompson. After four years in Vegas, Thompson was traded during last summer’s draft while he was signing autographs as the Golden Knights’ fan ambassador. Now he’d be back, and seeking revenge with the Stanley Cup on the line. Or maybe he’d just be happy to see his old friends, and everyone would try their best and have fun. But let’s go with the vengeance angle.

Random guy who played for both teams: Somewhere in Seattle, Chandler Stephenson would watch this series as a single tear rolled down his cheek before landing in a giant pile of money.

Old clip to get you fired up: This was the last known moment that it was safe to touch the water in a Las Vegas fountain.

5. Oilers vs. Maple Leafs

Or, as the narrative will call it: The all-Canadian final in which nobody in the country knows who to cheer for.

Seriously, the Oilers had a potential dynasty handed to them by the draft lottery, even though they already had one in the 1980s, so you can’t root for them. But also it’s the Leafs, so … yeah.

Or we could just say it’s McDavid vs. Matthews. Sure, let’s go with that.

Regular season: The Leafs took a pair of 4-3 wins, one in OT on Mitch Marner’s 200th career goal.

Revenge potential: Zach Hyman is the big one, although that might play as less of a revenge story and more of a “You sure none of you guys want to take a little less so we can re-sign the future 50-goal scorer?” narrative in Toronto. Also, John Klingberg, why not?

Random guy who played for both teams: There are a ton, but I will never pass up an opportunity to remind everyone that Vincent Damphousse ruled.

Old clip to get you fired up: How good does a Connor McDavid goal have to be for it to be the first autofill on his YouTube search results? This good:

4. Maple Leafs vs. Jets

Or, as the narrative will call it: The all-Canadian final in which everybody in the country knows who to cheer for.

Let’s be honest, Jets fans will cheer for the Jets and Leafs fans will cheer for the Leafs, but everyone else in the country who can bear to watch will line up for the Winnipeg bandwagon. And rightly so.

Regular season: Each team won on the other’s home ice.

Revenge potential: None. The only player on either roster who’s played for the other team is Luke Schenn, and I’m not sure he’s really going to seek revenge against a team he’s already been on twice.

Random guy who played for both teams: I’m invoking my longstanding “the Jets are the Jets” rule to remember how great Eddie Olczyk was in the 1980s and early 1990s. And also to remind everyone about that trade story.

Old clip to get you fired up: No. 1 and 2 picks Auston Matthews and Patrik Laine play dueling breakaways in overtime in their first meeting back in 2016.

Hey, cool, just a few weeks into his career and Matthews was already in playoff form.

(Editor’s note: Delete this.)

No.

3. Panthers vs. Golden Knights

Or, as the narrative will call it: The two most recent champs face off in a rematch from 2023.

Regular season: They split it, with Florida winning in OT in October and Vegas getting a regulation win in January.

Revenge potential: Medium-low. Reilly Smith is back in Vegas, although he was there for the 2023 final, too. But with apologies to guys such as Tobias Björnfot, Robert Hägg and Grigori Denisenko, our only other option here is Tomáš Nosek.

Random guy who played for both teams: Remember when Brandon Pirri was going to be really good?

Old clip to get you fired up: The wild final moments of Game 4 from the 2023 final.

2. Oilers vs. Panthers

Or, as the narrative will call it: The rematch from the greatest collapse that never was.

Regular season: The Panthers collected a pair of one-goal regulation wins.

Revenge potential: Pretty minimal, unless Josh Brown or Jesse Puljujärvi can get into the series. But of course, the real revenge would be in the Oilers getting back for last year’s heartbreak. And that would be more than enough to make this fantastic.

Random guy who played for both teams: I kind of miss Radek Dvořák.

Old clip to get you fired up: When should you watch this clip? RIGHT NOW!

1. Hurricanes vs. Stars

Or, as the narrative will call it: The Mikko Rantanen revenge series, part two.

Regular season: Carolina took both games in regulation.

Revenge potential: You saw the part about Rantanen, right? By the way, I mean part two in the “Terminator” sense, where the first one featured a ton of destruction but the second one somehow takes it up to an even higher level while flipping the script. Usually we talk about the player getting revenge against the team that moved him, but it also works the other way this time, especially after Rantanen basically shunned the Hurricanes in his stint there.

And of course, we’d also have Logan Stankoven on the other side. Seriously, this would be so good.

Random guy who played for both teams: Did you know Erik Cole had eight penalty shots in his career? That seems weirdly high, right?

Old clip to get you fired up: Here’s Rantanen on deadline day, talking about how happy he is to sign an extension in Dallas.

Does that sound like a guy who hates the Carolina Hurricanes and wants them to be sad? Not really, no, but if we need to, we’ll pretend.

(Photo of Dmitry Kulikov and Connor McDavid: Perry Nelson / Imagn Images)

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