The Los Angeles Clippers Are Old, Overhyped, and Cursed

Old-Timers Days can be fun.

Eighty-two of them can’t.

Pity Tyronn Lue, who will have close to 150,000 points at his disposal next NBA season — and just one basketball.

A ball, mind you, he cannot simply roll onto the court, because no one can bend over far enough to reach it.

Kawhi Leonard, James Harden, Chris Paul, Bradley Beal, Brook Lopez … it sure sounds impressive. So much so, there are some in Southern California talking championship — one in which LeBron James would be no more than a spectator.

Word of this juggernaut has spread east faster than a Santa Ana. From Oklahoma City to Boston, Denver to Cleveland, it’s been met with the same response:

Where can I bet against this?

Emails are flooding the NBA schedule-maker’s inbox: Please place our Clippers games after the All-Star break, because when these guys take their midseason nap, there’s no telling when they might wake up.

Other than the fact that it’s too heavy for most of them, here are the five biggest reasons the Clippers won’t be raising their first banner next June:

The West has too many potholes; wheelchairs not recommended

With this collection of talent, no doubt the Clippers will be able to coast into the playoffs. Even in the West. But the postseason is an uphill grind, and coasting at that point only takes you backward.

Leonard, the Western Kristaps Porzingis, is so revered, he even gets to apply load management to the playoffs. The odds of him, Harden and Paul all suiting up on the same night after Game 1 of a playoff series are slimmer than winter pickin’s.

Throw in 30-somethings Lopez, Beal, Bogdan Bogdanovic, Nicolas Batum and Kris Dunn — as well as severely battle-worn John Collins and Ivica Zubac — and by Game 7, the Clippers will have replaced their bench with recliners.

Imagine having to go through, say, the Mavericks and Nuggets just to get to the Thunder in the Western finals. At their age, no chance.

Heck, they might not even be the best team in town

It would be award-winning theater to see the Clippers and Lakers square off for the heavyweight championship of L.A. in the first round of the playoffs.

Give me an inspired Luka Doncic over a bloated Harden at the weigh-in.

Who will take the game-winning shot?

Leonard is one of the clutchest shooters in NBA history. We all remember the miracle he produced out of the right corner to beat the 76ers in a Game 7. In postseason history, he’s hit 50 percent of his fourth-quarter field goal attempts.

Not bad. But egos tend to rise above reality under the bright lights, so there’s no guarantee Leonard will be able to wrestle the ball away from Harden with the game on the line. We’ve seen it in Oklahoma City next to Durant, in Houston with Russell Westbrook, in Brooklyn with Kyrie Irving, in Philadelphia with Joel Embiid, and even the last two seasons — with Lue’s blessing — in L.A.

Alas, even Harden will have trouble prying a late-game assist out of Paul, with whom any big play would start. In Paul’s mind, he’s been there and done that WAY more often than either of his fellow future Hall of Famers — and he’s right. He’s shot 51 percent on a whopping 615 attempts in postseason fourth quarters, which beats Leonard (50 percent on 430 shots) and Harden (45 percent on 612 tries).

Good luck with that, Ty.

Their backcourt couldn’t guard Steve Ballmer’s boat

Any discussion of the worst defensive backcourt of all time has to start with Magic Johnson. But at least the Lakers were smart enough to pair him with Byron Scott and Michael Cooper.

The Clippers might have Leonard, a small forward, to shadow Western backcourt stars like Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Anthony Edwards, but Paul and Harden have to guard — and I use the term loosely — somebody. And it gets even worse when Beal gets summoned from the bench.

One hundred. That’s a fair line on the number of points Stephen Curry will score against this backcourt next regular season — and that’s even projecting him to sit out one of the four matchups.

On top of it all, they’re jinxed

The Curse of the Bambino lasted 86 years. The Curse of the Billy Goat survived 71. With apologies to Masters Par-3 champions, the Superdome, and the late John Madden, the new leader in the clubhouse could be the Curse of V.

The last time Paul was a Clipper, he didn’t play nice with Blake Griffin. Leonard’s marriage to Paul George didn’t last. Even the handoff from the late Donald Sterling to Steve Ballmer has been fumbled.

Forty-seven years after dropping anchor in California, even a trip to the NBA Finals remains a mirage for the Clippers.

Just goes to show: You can take the team out of Buffalo, but Scott Norwood will find you and share his misery.